See Ginger Run

Working Through It

2010-06-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

So, alot has happened since my last post. I decided I really wanted to make it work with Nick, but time kept going by and I just wasn't seeing any effort being made on his part. I felt like everything else in his life was more important than me and every time I tried to talk to him about it, he just laughed or made me feel like I was being ridiculous or crazy. His friends came before me, his drinking, his social life, EVERYTHING seemed to come before me.

I met up with a friend and we talked for a long time. I realized that I deserve to have someone who wants to be with ME, not with their friends all the time. When you are in a committed relationship with someone for two years, it should be like 85% me and 15% friends. It's not hard for me, but it seems to be extremely difficult for him to make me feel like numero uno.

Over the course of our relationship I have put up with a lot. I've let my mind be clouded. I've forgotten what I really want. Well, more like brushed aside what I really wanted because I thought that that's not who he was and he would never be. But, I realized that I can have what I want. It drove me to do something I thought I would never do. I broke up with him. I told him I wasn't happy and that I hadn't been happy for a long time. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To walk away from someone you love more than anything and try to think about moving on with someone else is so damn hard!

I just want someone who can't stand to be without me. Someone who tells me he loves me for no reason at all. Someone who will hold my hand without caring who sees it. And most of all, someone who makes me feel like the most important person in their life.

Only a day had gone by before I caved and decided to give it another chance. It was miserable being without him. I really hope that he makes the changes that he said he would make because it would just tear me apart. I don't want to turn around in a week and be faced with the same issues again. I have faith that he will be the person I need him to be though and I love him. Isn't that enough?

I thought...

2010-05-15T06:20:00.001-07:00

I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I thought I wanted to be with him no matter what happened. I just thought I knew.

And now, I'm not so sure. The more time that goes by, the more uncertain and hazy it all becomes. The more time that passes I think about all the things he will never be able to give me and the more I realize what I want and need. But all the while, my heart wants to break wide open, crying for him to put up a fight that I know will never come.

Are we really all that confusing?

2010-05-11T14:18:00.000-07:00

The more time that goes by, the more baffled I become at how clueless and selfish men are. I haven't had the greatest few weeks and if you know me, you know I've been going through a "break" with Nick -- whatever that means...

All this time we were together and I poured my heart out and told him how I felt. A lot. And do you think he did anything to make it better? Not really. If you count the occasional, "Hey, let's go hang out with your friends," and then we get there and he acts like he'd rather be somewhere else. I ask for one freakin' night a week from a guy who travels 82.7% of every year, which if you do the math...I don't know what that equals, but you get the idea. I hardly got to spend any time with him alone.

He needed a break because I wasn't active enough and I guess I gave him too hard of a time for not sacrificing one measley day out of his busy Social Calendar for me. Hmmm. This statement caught me off guard actually. I wasn't sure if he meant, you need to get off your lazy ass and lose some weight or you should really go do more stuff with me. After two years of your life with someone, you would think that they would have told you something like this oh, you know, like months before it became a real problem for them. So, you know, I could have like worked to make it better....Who would've thought that all he'd have to do was tell me how he --brace yourself -- FEELS!

Now, we're in this weird in between place where I don't think he knows what he wants and I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure anymore either. He wants to work it out. This is what he says, but he expects me to be the one to make all the changes. What about the last two years of things I've been asking for?? How am I supposed to move on with someone when they expect all these things from me, but haven't been able to give me the one and only thing I've ever wanted, a little piece of his time.

As I was mulling over all these things today, I began to realize that certain things really bother me. When you first begin a relationship, it's like walking on eggshells and waiting around all the time to just to hear a word from that person. After you are with someone for so long, it just becomes an expectation for me that I see and hear from you on a VERY regular basis. If those things begin to change, it's a sign that something else is changing as well -- and it's usually not a good thing.

I don't know why it's so hard for people to take 5 seconds and send a quick text that says something sweet or funny just to let you know they are thinking about you. What about an e-mail!? I mean, hello, we all know half of you just sit in front of your computers pretending to do work anyway. Why not make a girl feel good while procrastinating on the job? I don't want to hear that "I was busy all day" bullshit because we all know you e-mailed five of your other friends somewhere in there. Or, you could even give us a quick ring! SHOCKER, I know. You men have no idea how much these little things mean and how much they would change our day or the way we feel about you even.

Words to the wise:

Stop ignoring the problems you are facing. Grow up and act like an adult. Be more considerate. Other people have feelings!

Gravity

2010-04-24T20:12:00.000-07:00

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here til' the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything thing so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Spring is here and summer is near!

2010-03-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything and it was such a beautiful and fun day today that I thought I would share. I am so glad that spring is here and summer is close! I sat outside for lunch and got my first sun burn of the year. It was wonderful! Some friends and I then went to get pedicures. It was nice to have a girls day and relax and be pampered.

I went shopping for the first time in a long while and it was pure bliss! I got all dressed up and went to dinner with some other girlfriends at Pomegranate followed by some delicious chocolate fondue at Stellar Wine Bar. We talked mostly of movies and good literature and came to the decision that we should start a book club.

I am very excited and was appointed the task of choosing the first book for our group. Any suggestions are hugely welcomed as I have a hard time picking out a good book without first being given a suggestion! I don't want to disappoint everyone else and I am afraid I will pick a book that everyone loathes! Let's pray that doesn't happen because I may be shunned from the group!

In other news, Nick and I are doing pretty good. He's still Nick and I'm still me, emotional basketcase and all...

We went to dinner at The Cazbah last night and enjoyed a bottle of wine and tapas. Everything was great until he gave me some slightly depressing news. I should probably preface this with the fact that I asked Nick several weeks ago about going on a trip somewhere during my Spring Break starting next weekend. I have been dying to go somewhere and just get away from life with him since we got back from Europe! He told me he didn't have the money and that we'd go somewhere in the summer when he had time to save some cash. Um, sweet...He'll be taking me somewhere pretty good then...

So, you can imagine my disappointment and mild anger when he told me he had been invited for a guys weekend in Vegas in May and that he wasn't going to take me even though I've begged him to take me to Vegas at least a dozen times only to be rejected with, "I need at least $2,000 before I even think of going there." He certainly jumped at the chance to go this time. Then, I find out some of his girl friends are going to, which is the whole reason they are going in the first place. Guys weekend....riiiight....

Honestly, it kind of hurt my feelings. Not that he was going with his friends. I would never say he couldn't go do things with his buddies or try to infringe on that time, but the fact that he didn't jump at the chance to go somewhere with me really made me feel deflated and unimportant to him. I don't even have the words to explain how I feel about it. I probably just sound like a jealous bitch, but I can't help but feel a little less important than his friends when I should be feeling like number one.

A little friendly competition

2010-03-06T13:11:00.000-08:00

Due to our competitive nature's, Nick and I both often challenge each other in random things. Once we did a cook off (which I totally won), a weight loss competition (it didn't last long and I'm sad to say he probably won), and then he wanted to do a paint off. I knew I was set here because I am in fact an artist of sorts. =)

We had our paint off several weeks ago. Today, we finally decided how to fairly determine a winner. I wouldn't allow his brother to be a judge because he would choose Nick just to spite me, but his father did actually liked mine better. Anyhow, we decided to post them on Etsy.com and see whose painting sold first.

Here are the paintings.

Nick's is called "Mongoose 14." It is pictured on top and clearly has nothing to do with a mongoose. The truly hilarious part about his painting being posted on my etsy site was his ridiculous description of the painting, if you can even call it that. Here is the link.

Mine, pictured on the bottom, is called "Morning Glory." And glorious it is!

Shortly after we posted our paintings on my etsy site, we posted our links on facebook. Good thing I did, because a pal of mine purchased TWO paintings I had on the site! Therefore, I was pronounced the winner and am now entitled to all bragging rights that go along with it!

I love winning. =)

Is this really what it's coming to?

2010-02-22T14:56:00.000-08:00

I was thinking today after reading Mrs. Mimi's post about Obama's plan for increasing teacher effectiveness. One part of the plan stated that "decisions about teacher promotion, retention, and evaluation should include consideration of students’ academic growth."

Um, hello?? Have they ever visited a Title I classroom and taught students who may or may not have had breakfast that morning, someone to tell them something encouraging before coming to school, or some sort of traumatic mental or physical abuse.

I am so tired of hearing people (who have never even taught in a classroom mind you) that teachers should be critiqued/judged/take your pick based on how well their students perform. Don't get me wrong, if your students are flatlining all year, that is definitely a problem. What I have a problem with is how people think they can constantly tell us how to be effective, when they don't even know what effective looks like!

I taught my little heart out last year, and do you know how many of my students "passed" the PASS test? Let's take a look:

Language Arts: 10 out of 17
Writing: 9 out of 17
Math: 7 out of 17
Science: 5 out of 9
Social Studies: 3 out of 8

Science and Social Studies are split between the total number of students. Half of the class takes Science and half takes Social Studies.

This is seriously disheartening. I did the best I could do. I taught with fun and engaging lessons. I used postive behavior incentives whenever possible. I made countless study guides. It makes me feel like a failure even though I did everything I could possibly do.

Why aren't people pointing towards parents? Why aren't people pointing towards students? I am only one person and this cannot be done alone! When parents don't care, their children don't care. Students are a reflection of their homes and the lifestyles they live. Until people start making intiatives to increase parent and student motivation, I feel like many schools will continue to "fail," according to those we know what effective teachers are people. Not to mention the fact that students should be held accountable and responsible for their own learning!

I am constantly looking for new lesson ideas and activities to use with my students and I can't tell you how many fun, artsy, creative, and hands on activities I've discovered and wanted to use in my classroom but had to pass up because, being a teacher at a Title I school, I don't have the time to spend on those kinds of activities because I'm too busy reteaching phonics or the last unit I just taught in Math...

We just don't have the luxury or the time to spend on a two week Black History unit because it isn't in the standards!

Note: I still find a way to incorporate these kinds of units into my curriculum, but it's hard when you have to spend YOUR free time planning an integrated unit just to be able to teach them!

PHEW!

I know, just go ahead and insert your Negative Nancy comment here! All I'm saying is that these people need to step into a classroom with this type of environment and then go write an article about effective teachers. They will take one step into that class and realize that hey, these teachers are already doing everything that "effective" teachers are supposed to do. Hmmm. Wouldn't you know, I went to college and got some education to learn how to BE effective!

Descends from soapbox and gasps for air!

Two thieves and the Confederate States of America

2010-02-02T15:00:00.001-08:00

Last week, I discovered one of my students was stealing from me. I really like this student and was soooo upset and disappointed when I knew I had to tell his mama. Ugh.

As part of our schoolwide behavior program, PBIS, we give out Pride Paws to students so that they can use them to purchase items from our school store. Let me just preface this by saying that I hardly ever give out these suckers. They are holy and sacred!

Rewind a couple of weeks ago and picture this scene:

I am scrambling around my classroom looking for my giant stack of Pride Paws that I know I have placed somewhere! I think, Oh, I must have misplaced them. Never once did the thought cross my mind that one of my little friends had stolen them!

Fastforward to last Thursday. Our Pride Paw store person (not really sure what to call her) comes to me and lets me know that said friend had 40 Pride Paws that he used at the store, all of which looked, you know, new and still stuck together... (They are printed on business card like paper, so they're rather thick)

She tells me about this and we decide to let his mom know that he had, you know, a crap ton of these Pride Paws that I DID NOT give him. Because remember, I never give these things out and I know he didn't get that many from other teachers!

We didn't say anything to him yet, but the next morning, he pulls out ANOTHER stack of Pride Paws. I ask him nonchalantly where he got all those Pride Paws and give him the you-better-not-tell-a-lie-or-I'll-call-your-mama-so-fast-you-can't-even-blink look. Apparently, my look isn't all that scary cause I got nothin' out of him. I made up some story and I had no time to further pursue the situation in the middle of Guided Reading. I confiscated them and said I would have to speak with his mom first about the situation. Okay, he said. Almost like, no big deal.

I had the hardest time telling his mother about what he did. I was so upset and disappointed, but she understood and said she would take care of the situation. His mother works at the school so I know I can count on her to back me up, but it just tore me up to have to "tattletale" on him.

And then, this morning, another friend in my class had more new-and-still-stuck-together-fresh-looking Pride Paws. I knew I could crack him.

I called him into the hall and said, "You need to be very honest with me right now and tell me where you got all of those Pride Paws."

J: "I got them from like you and other teachers and you know."

Me: "Listen, I know you're not being honest. You better tell me RIGHT now where you got em' because I know I didn't give you all those Pride Paws!" (Giving him the teacher look)

J: "Well, I found some on the floor and that's how I got em." (He stumbled and mumbled over his words much more than this, for the record.)

Me: "And did those belong to you?"

J: "Well.... no."

Me: "Then that's called stealing."

J: Begins to cry and starts drooling on himself.

He still wasn't completely honest about where he got them, but he at least admitted that they didn't belong to him. He's one of those who generally fesses up easily so I knew I wouldn't have a hard time getting it out of him. Apparently, my teacher look works after all!

Sigh. It kills me to think that I have thieves in my room. =(

On another note, we are learning about the start of the Civil War and how slavery was a large factor that divided the Northern and Southern states into the Union and Confederacy. We talked today about South Carolina's decision to secede from the Union and formed their own country. Some discussion was sparked about the Confederate flag. One student asked, "If someone has a Confederate flag, does that make them a racist?"

Man, this just got deep.

I tried to explain that it may mean that for some people, but for most, it's simply a reminder of our triumph over inequality and our differences all those years ago. It's a part of our state history and will always be a symbol of what was.

It made me really proud that my students were really thinking about what we were learning and how it affects their lives and the lives of others. It made me feel like a real teacher, because sometimes there are so many other distractions going on that it's really hard to focus on what I am there to do in the first place.

What a day!

2010-01-27T15:42:00.000-08:00

The morning started normally and then BAM! All hell broke loose! Our administrative assistant came over the PA system to announce that we were on a lockdown. At first, I just thought it was a drill and continued on with my classroom business, which is what you are supposed to do when your school goes on lockdown.

About 10 minutes later, she comes on again and orders us to evacuate the building as quickly as possible and says "This is not a drill," and to get as far away from the school as we can. Apparently, we weren't far enough, so we were ordered to line up by the ditch next to the street.

At this point, my mind is reeling. What the heck is going on!? None of the teachers were told, we just followed our orders and kept our cools for the kids. Did someone go into the school and plant a bomb? Is there some psycho wandering around in there looking for a student? Is the place about to blow up?

The fire trucks arrive and then I knew it was serious. Calamity Cam was freakin' out and acting a fool and I was about to flip.

Finally, our Title I Facilitator comes over and informs us there is a gas leak in the kitchen but that the gas has been shut off. As this was all going on, one of the Related Arts teachers who is always takin' care of business was runnin' around, ordering teachers and students where to go and all I could think was, wouldn't it be nice to always be in the know! No offense to you, Becki! You are awesome and you did a great job helping today. Just sayin'...

IT. WAS. COLD. My toes were freezing and my students were huddled up in jackets, most without hats, gloves, or heavy coats. We stood around the rock filled ditch for a bit - yes I said rock filled - and I was paranoid one of my kids would trip and puncture their flesh on one of those jagged death traps!

Then, we were told to march on! Farther. As we walked I realized the line was heading closer and I was confused? If that school blows up, we're all toast! What are THEY doing!?

We were all packed into the gym, because it had been "cleared." As soon as we get our classes seated, they tell us it's safe to go back to our rooms and carry on our day. We head back passed the cafeteria and all you can smell is THAT smell. The cafeteria door is taped up and there is DO NOT ENTER tape spread across the hallway. I mean, you would think they would have taken all that stuff down before we paraded through the hallway, freakin' out all the kids.

Needless to say, the rest of our day was pretty miserable. The kids were all out of whack and full of energy. I was just over it and not in the mood to teach.

After all that, I had to go grocery shopping for girls game night tomorrow and the task of pre-preparing all the food still looms before me. Ugh. Oh, and speaking of grocery stores...Don't leave for damn grocery cart in the middle of a parking space! How about walk the five extra feet and burn a few calories, why-don't-cha!

Sometimes, you just need to vent.

2010-01-26T15:03:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty crappy weekend. I spent half the time being angry at Nick for being a butthead. What a way to ruin my awesome time away from school. All I wanted to do when I got home Friday night was lay on the couch and do NOTHING. He comes home early and goes "Are you just gonna lay around on the couch all night?" like three times after I had already told him I was probably going to be a worthless sack-a-poo.

Then, Saturday morning he proceeds to tell me not to complain to him about getting fat because I wanted to eat a McDonald's double cheeseburger instead of some Schlotzky's Deli crap. So, I demanded he just go home so I didn't have to listen to him criticize my choice in bad foods.

I decided to go to Publix all red-eyed-and-puffy-faced to get a "healthy" sub instead. Riiiight.

I came home and just exploded. I am just so tired of having the same pointless conversation about what I feel!

He told me he was going to leave to look at bikes with Steven and of course I got even more pissed because he just wanted to run away from the problem instead of dealing with it. So, I left too shortly after and I went to Blairs. I hadn't seen her in a while and I just needed some good ole friendly venting. I kind of demanded that she let me know hang out with her, but she swears I wasn't intruding!

I honestly expected to spend half the day complaining about Nick, but after about 10 minutes we moved on to other engaging conversations about school annnnd more school...Teachers! What can I say!?

We ordered Chinese, rented "Bruno," played some Super Mario Brothers on Wii, and all-in-all just had a good freakin' time! It's nice just to enjoy the company of friends you don't see often every now and then and remind them why you should hang out more. Ahem, Blair!!

Holy Calamity!

2010-01-20T16:56:00.000-08:00

I apologize. I've been wanting to use that phrase since I saw it this morning in an e-mail...

I am about to lose my mind with Calamity Cam (that's what I'm calling my disruptive little classroom friend and because I just really like that word). I mean, I'm almost at a place where I will not allow him into my classroom without some medication. Not only has he constantly disrupted my class since we returned from that fabulous, two week long, Christmas vacation, but he will not conform to any strategic behavior plan that myself or my administration has tried to put into place.

He plays, rolls, jumps, sings, dances, and shouts around at the back of the classroom while I'm trying to keep my cool, while I'm TEACHING the rest of my eager-to-learn friends! It's freakin' hard people and I have had it up to my eye balls!!! I can no longer tolerate the violation of my student's precious instructional time. It is totally unfair, and I'm about to have words. With who? I have no clue. His parentals are overwhelmed with 5 other kids, either don't know the importance of discipline or just choose not to waste their time being a parent.

This kid is just screaming for some attention and I just can't provide that all day in my classroom when I have standardized test scores that I am held accountable for and children who ACTUALLY want to learn. I know it isn't entirely his fault because the poor kid is in 3rd grade and can't read a thing. Um, yea. I know, right?

I told myself this morning I was going to patient with him, but by 1:45, I totally lost my cool and and scolded him in a not-so-nice-sort-of way. One student remarked, "Man, she's reeeeally mad."

I'm stumped. My school didn't meet AYP AGAIN, and we are facing restructure. And it's a wonder with things like this happening in classrooms all across the nation that tests are being failed, teachers are being blamed for these things that are absolutely out of their control, and schools are being restaffed as a result. I am doing what I can and I am teaching as HARD as I know how and I fear that it will happen to us.

Any and all suggestions for my sanity, please and thank you.

Iron Chef, here I come!

2010-01-18T16:05:00.000-08:00

I made my very first risotto EVER this evening! I also made pan seared scallops for the first time. I am still so pleased with myself that I just had to share. Unfortunately, I have no photographic evidence of this delicious meal.

I felt like a contestant on Chopped, running around the kitchen like a mad woman! Risotto's certainly take a lot of time and attention! I could hardly walk away for a second to chop the parsley and zest the lemon before I had to run back, stir, and add more broth. All in all, it came out nicely and I am very happy. It was the first time Nick didn't reply, "Eh, it's alright," when I ask him how the food tastes. That's huge. HUGE!

Maybe I could be an Iron Chef after all.

Men are from Mars

2010-01-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

Nick and I got into an argument yesterday afternoon. It was mostly just me being all emotional because he hasn't paid me enough attention -- if you know what I mean...

In my girl mind, I start thinking bad things. You know, like well maybe he doesn't wanna be with me anymore or maybe he's tired of me.

I usually start crying and telling him how I feel and then he's all like, "Well, what do you want me to do about it? I don't know what to tell you." Then I just stare blankly around the room for several awkward minutes until he says, "I don't know," and the whole things starts all over again.

I was still kind of upset, feeling like the conversation we sort of just had, accomplished absolutely nothing and he asks, "Want to go for a walk?"

What?! Is he serious?? No I don't want to go for a freakin' walk! I just cried for 30 minutes and feel no better than I did before we started to have this pointless conversation.

"Why do you want to go for a walk," I whine.

"I dunno. It stopped raining and I wanna get out of the house."

"But, it's all wet outside! Its been raining for like two days," I shoot back.

"Yeah, so."

"Well, there will be puddles everywhere."

"So, we'll walk around them."

Ugh. Is he for real? Is this like his idea of making peace and being all romantic because I seriously don't get it.

Reluctantly, I get my shoes on and we hit the pavement. I remember thinking this is going to be a looooooong, silent walk. I suspect that anyone who saw us must have thought that I was about to knock his head off with that glare I had on my face.

I mostly try to stare at my feet so I don't have to make eye contact and possibly have a conversation. I'm still mad and he is freakin' clueless. And then, he offers his hand for me to hold. I try to pretend I don't see it at first, but he's persistent. I grab it, but I am not happy about it!

As we continue on, I'm still reeling over why he wanted to go on a walk in the first place! What the hell is going on here? It's wet outside and there isn't ANYONE else in the park. He makes some comment about the river and I nod to acknowledge that he's just spoken to me.

We make our way down the rocky steps to the trail and I think, I am going to be so pissed if I slip, fall on my ass, break my arm, and become a cripple all because he wanted to go on this stupid walk.

The whole time, my mind just keeps trying to understand him. Why does he always think that everything is all better after we have those pointless arguments? Nothing ever gets solved and I'm still pissy and mad because he can be such a moron.

We come around a corner on the path and wouldn't you know we run into the happiest damn couple you've ever seen. They were skipping. SKIPPING for Christ's sake! WHO DOES THAT!? I wanted to push them into the river!

We keep going and he's still trying to make meaningless conversation to which I continue to nod. He asks me if I still want to go bowling later. I tell him, "Yeah, I guess."

We start climbing the hill and I'm OVER it at this point. I still just do not understand. We get to the top and there is ANOTHER couple walking ahead of us who totally started making out! Full on, ass grabbing, lip smacking, making out! You could actually here the slobbery suction of each kiss. I wanted to vomit and I'm all for a little PDA!

A short while longer, and we make it back to Wakefield Street. We get to the front door and he stops, grabs my hands, and says, "Listen. I love you. I'm sorry I am such an ass sometimes."

Well, at least that's how it went in my head.

It was more like, he stops, turns to me, and with an apologetic half smile says, "Thank you for coming on this walk with me. I hope you're not still mad at me."

So, it's not quite how I envisioned our reconciliation but, I'll take what I can get. Afterall, I do love the guy.

We ended the night with a little bowling and a long, confusing night of Beach Bingo, but that's for a whole-nother blog entry!

My first gray hair

2010-01-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

I was in the middle of my first year teaching. I was also in the middle of a math lesson when Dareon walked up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder, as I'm teaching, writing on the board about how to solve some equation and says, "Miss Watkins, you have a gray hair." She points to the back of my head and walks back to her seat.

The class waits for my reaction. It is absolutely silent. They just stared at me for a few moments and I didn't know whether to laugh, to feel insulted, or to reprimand her interrupting class just to point out the fact that I'm getting old.

I cooly ask her, "And do you know how I got that gray hair friend?"

"From all of us probly," she laughs.

Then, we all laugh.

"Exactly!"

Despite how awful of a year that was for me, I did really enjoy most of their sparkling personalities.

2010-01-14T13:06:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just want to shrink away for a spa day and pretend you didn't have a million plus deadlines and things due for work!? I have been scouring my email for 10 minutes trying to scribble deadlines into my planner. I am horrible with time management which also makes me a notorious procrastinator, so wouldn't you know I have about 3 deadlines tomorrow! Should I be blogging right now about how I have 3 deadlines tomorrow, instead of actually accomplishing some of those tasks? Absolutely not. But, I have zero motivation to grade papers, figure out which of my students made the BUG Club, straight A's, or AB Honor Roll, or make time in my school day to administer running records.

On top of ALL of that, my urologist appointment today was fruitless - they still don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I shouldn't say fruitless actually because we did learn that my bladder isn't functioning properly and at only 26 years old, it's a terrifying situation to have to face. Fortunately for you, I won't go into detail, but I am being referred to a neurologist for a cystoscopy which I am certain is going to be utterly unpleasant and a radiologist to take a pelvic ultrasound. I want to cry but I'm kind of over it already.

Geez, this is fast becoming the most depressing blog I've ever seen. For a more positive and optimistic outlook on life, please visit my new blog, designed especially for teachers.

Can I get another sick day please?

2010-01-13T17:04:00.001-08:00

I had my first day back at school today after being out for a couple of days with my problem. It was quite terrible actually. Not only was I having my "issues" but my students were apparently having their ISSUES! THEY WERE TERRIBLE! Mostly just one little friend who likes to do what he pleases like rolling and sliding around on the floor, asking questions like "Did you know my daddy got shot," screaming at me because HE didn't do HIS homework, and just generally being a huge honkin' pain in my rear. Now don't go feeling all sorry for him. Trust me, I genuinely think he derives pleasure from torturing me and interrupting my class.

I had to leave class briefly today for a 504 meeting about one of my students, so our Reading Coach came to cover my class. I returned during lunch to a small number of my students being treated to pizza for completing a holiday homework packet. My one little friend was whining and screeching about why he didn't get a piece. Hmmmmm!?? Ms. P looks at me and says, "I don't know how you do it with that one, Miss Watkins. His voice is sooo annoying!"

All I can think is how crazy he makes me EVERY DAY!! He's been off his meds and OFF-HIS-ROCKER and if something doesn't change soon, so will I...

Can we get some drugs for this kid please!??

KIDDING...only kidding.

I am not a physician

2010-01-11T07:29:00.000-08:00

I have decided that it's probably not EVER a good idea to pretend that you know more than your physician. I have become obsessed with the internet and all it's wonderful information for nit wits like me who think they can diagnose their own medical conditions.

I worked myself up into a frenzy yesterday, sobbing and wailing and feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't take it anymore. I called my mom. It went something like this: (Imagine I am hysterically crying)

Me: Mom? Whimpering

Mom: What's the matter honey?

Me: I think something's really wrong with me! I think I have something more serious and the internet has advised me to go to the emergency room! Sobbing loudly

Mom: Well, I can meet you over there if you'd like.

Me: Can you come pick me up and take me? I just can't take this anymore. Still sobbing and feeling sorry for myself

Mom: Okay, I'm putting my shoes on now and then I'll be on the way.

Me: Okay. Still whimpering and feeling desperate

About 45 minutes later, we arrive at the emergency room and within 20 minutes, I'm in a room and a nurse is asking me to urinate in a cup. Seriously? I can hardly squeeze out a drop and she wants me to fill that cup with an ounce of urine!? It was either that or a cathater, so I decided to drink a glass of water instead to get the urine flowing. I didn't get quite an ounce, but enough to satisfy the doctors.

The doctor came in, said there was no infection - duh. I already told them I've had like three pee tests and all came back negative for infection. Anyway, he tells me he's going to give me some medicine until my urologist appointment. WHAT?! I start to cry again. I just can't take this anymore! I have no faith in these crappy drugs that aren't doing what they are supposed to do!!

He offers to call the urologist's office and ask what they recommend to help me until then. I think he felt sorry for me. He comes back in and congratulates himself for making the right suggestion. He gives me an antibiotic - Cipro to kill any bacteria and Flomax that is supposed to help relax my uretha so that I can urinate without problems. I've just taken my second Flomax pill and I don't feel it's much better.

What have I learned? Don't scour the internet looking for a medical condition for yourself that you probably don't have. It will lead to paranoia and irrational decisions out of desperation. One emergency room visit and 130 dollars later and I'm still no better off than I was. Now? I continue to wait for my urologist appointment tomorrow afternoon. I just want some relief and SLEEP!!

The "issue" continues

2010-01-10T10:05:00.000-08:00

I had a miserable night and day yesterday. I finally gave in and went to buy some cranberry juice, which according to about 12 of people should help with my "issue." I got so frustrated I just burst into tears last night. I can't tell you how annoying and frustrating this is and there's absolutely nothing I can do to make it better. I have an appointment with the urologist on Tuesday and it seems like lightyears away.

I went to dinner with my sister, Kimber, last night and it was divine. The restaurant, High Cotton, definitely put me in better spirits. My cauliflower soup was simply delicious! I could have eaten five cups of it. It was nice to sit down, relax, and spend some time with her even though I felt the urge to go to the restroom constantly. I was scared to drink anything, but I broke down and ordered a $10 glass of Pinot Noir.

After, we went to Oyster's to watch The Swinging Richards, a band my good friend, Don, plays in. The whole point was to meet up with some girlfriends that I have neglected since Nick and I began dating. I wish I had felt more like drinking, but my "issue" was making things impossible. I made a promise to have them all over this week for a girls game night. I'm hoping I feel better by then!

On another note, I have decided, AGAIN, that I wish to lose some weight and eat more healthy. So, I spent $112 dollars at Publix with the intentions of taking my lunch to school instead of eating that horribly unhealthy school lunch! I bought some yogurt and raisin nut bran for breakfast. I am going to force myself to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, lean cuisines, and lunchables for lunch! I was at my lowest weight in a long time at the very beginning of this school year when I was eating pb and j's everyday for lunch. Coincidence? I think not.

I need to start taking more advantage of my Wii Fit as well. There are some amazing workouts and exercices on there, but I've just been afraid to try it since the "issue" has gotten so bad.

Overall, this has been a pretty lazy and miserable weekend. I look forward to better weeks to come! Pray for me!

He's my sweetheart...

2010-01-08T15:45:00.000-08:00

and I'm his bubbling mud hole. Isn't it endearing?

Updates

2010-01-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

So far, the prescribed medication seems to be doing a sufficient job. I have been able to sleep (only getting up to pee 2 or 3 times) for the past two nights. This may also have something to do with the fact that I have allowed myself only minimal amounts of water 4 hours prior to sleeping and drugging myself with Tylenol PM. On the downside, I have awoken in the wee hours with a dry mouth and an awful taste in my mouth, but sacrifices must be made for the sake of sleep. You don't know what teaching 17 children is like without any...

Aside from my medical issues, everything else seems to be going great. Nick and I had a great Christmas. He got me everything I wanted and more including:

a Wii
a diamond ring (No, not that one...)
a Tiffany necklace
a diamond necklace
silver hoop earrings

Yep, he's awesome. Be jealous. =) I seriously felt like a kid again and couldn't believe how much he outdid me. Again. But, I do think he liked his gifts this year.

Last year, after he opened his silver Clemson flask, which I spent hours searching for, he ran to the liquor cabinet and showed me the engraved one that he already had! I was slightly devastated and made sure I brought up how awful it made me feel for two weeks before Christmas this year. So, to make sure that didn't happen again, I decided to get him collectibles to hang in his pool room (that's barren and empty - for the most part), which included a Bud Beer neon sign and a vintage Natural Light bar mirror. More neons to come for him later...

Publix, you are dead to me!

2010-01-06T14:37:00.000-08:00

I sauntered into Publix this evening after work excited about the thrill of getting my penny item with my Boar's Head italian sub and bag of Tostito multi grain chips. But you see, Publix has made some changes lately. They decided that they would no longer offer the penny item on Mondays and Tuesdays, but would instead offer it on Wednesdays.

At first, I was kind of pissed. The penny item must have gotten too popular or something and I could only think that maybe they were losing money or something and trying to weed out the number of people who get the penny item. Okay, whatever. Publix needs their money, so what? Who isn't being affected by this economic nightmare?

Well....today, (Wednesday mind you, i.e. penny item day) I went to check out with my food and ask for the penny item thinking that I finally made it on the right day! I was right about one thing. It's penny item day, but I was informed that now you must use a freakin' coupon from the newspaper to retrieve your penny item! WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT!?

So now, if you think about it, the penny item no longer costs a mere penny since you have to purchase the newspaper and then scour it for some elusive coupon. It costs 51 dang cents! Now, I know they're just trying to phase out the penny item shoppers and I am NOT happy about it. I'm thinking of writing them a letter and giving them a piece of my mind. Why don't they just say, we are no longer offering the penny item? Just like men, they can't just say what the hell they want or don't want!

I guess I shouldn't really be complaining because regardless the penny item is still cheaper than what it would be at regular price and unfortunately, it would probably still be a mediocre item. It's the cheap thrills that get me I guess. However, the searching through the newspaper thing is absolutely ridiculous. The woman at check out told me she'd only had ONE person get the penny item today. What is the world coming to?!

Let's all mourn for the loss of our penny items!

Dear Bladder,

2010-01-05T15:13:00.000-08:00

I hate you. I have lived with you for 26 years and then you decide you want to become inflamed and cause me much misery. I have had countless nights of horrible sleep because of you! Urinating every two minutes is not exactly fun you know. I'm just waiting for you to truly betray me and malfunction somewhere utterly embarrassing. If this happens, I will never forgive you.

Sincerely,

Ginger

After visiting a doctor twice in the past week, I am being referred to a urologist to properly diagnose my problem of frequent urination. Possible culprits include interstitial cystitis - which by the way isn't cureable (Am I really going to have to live with this shit for the rest of my life!?), a bladder infection - which I am ruling out due to two negative urine samples for this test, but anythings possible I guess, or a kidney infection - which is much more terrifying and could cause "life threatening complications" such as kidney failure according to Mayoclinic.com! I'm routing for the bladder infection!

I am terrified! I have never had any serious medical issues in my entire life. The thought of possibly losing a vital organ scares the bejeesus out of me! I never even realized frequent urination was such a problem until recently when I visited my gynecologist and my unrine had small traces of blood. I thought it was just me having to pee a lot. I've ignored it for so long now that I may be the reason it has gotten so bad! I pee at least 10 times an hour and it's worse when I try to go to sleep. It got so bad last night, that I even considered sleeping on the toilet so I didn't have to keep getting up. How freakin' sad it that!?

I even tried drinking less liquids especially right before bed which unfortunately for me didn't work. I still had to pee and it kept coming even when I thought there was no way possible there were any liquids left in my body!

Oh, excuse me...I have to pee again......................................

Hopefully, my doctor will get me in with a specialist soon so I don't have to live with this problem any more! Until then, he has prescribed Vesicare, which I am skeptical about taking, but he says should make me more comfortable until my appointment with the urologist. I'm not very optimistic, but whatever you say Doctor Torres. This leads me to some very important, yet frightening questions: How are they supposed to look at my bladder with a camera and furthermore how much is that going to hurt!?

I'll keep you posted as to the details of my overactive bladder like you all care. You're welcome.

A touching note

2009-10-23T15:54:00.000-07:00

I received a note from a student today. Just as with every other note I read, I expected it to be the same ole thing...

"I think you are a grate teacher Miss Walkins." (They always write my name this way for some reason.)

So I was surprised to receive such an extraordinary note from one of my students today. This is what it read: (Nothing in the note has been altered. I think it makes it sweeter.)

Miss Watkins You are sweet, cool, funny, awsom! You are the Best teacher ever. You teach me a lot. Soon my head will get fat cause all the learning you teach me. I love being in you class! How old are you? My harte is emntey with out you! I never want to leave you.

Love,

Carissa

P.S. this is my exctra home work!

(Haha, I think her mom makes her do more homework because I don't give enough. It's just against my philosophy as a teacher! I hate checking the homework, so I know they don't want to spend three hours doing homework.)

I have had a smile on my face ever since I read this today. We had our Fall Festival at school this evening and I saw her in the hallway. I called her over to me and gave her a big hug, smiled, and thanked her.

She had no idea how much this note has touched me. It will be filed away so that if there ever comes a day I become discouraged and wonder why I am even teaching, I can read this note and know that I am touching lives just as they are touching mine.

My heart is full.

2009-09-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

I have begun to develop a hate/hate relationship with Fargo, North Dakota. Nick comes home on the weekend and then leaves, AGAIN, every Monday or Tuesday morning at 5 am. I really hate being away from him for two weeks at a time. Four days, okay. It's probably a good thing. But two weeks? It's like agony!

Gosh, I love him. =)

Back to the daily grind

2009-09-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't really been running since before I went to Europe. Since I started school though, I have lost another 4 pounds! I'm fluctuating between 120 and 121. I need to get myself motivated to go and run or walk because I know I could shed more.

It's so hard to go after a long day at work though. I am exhausted from being on my feet for 10 to 12 hours each day! I need mojo and some serious self motivation! If only I could fit into some of those old jeans again, I would be a happy girl.

Just FYI to all you bloggers

2009-08-23T16:51:00.001-07:00

If you want me to actually read your blog, don't post a freakin' novel! If I have to scroll for longer than 2 seconds, it's too long and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not the only blogger out there who doesn't want to read a blog that goes on forever!

I survived

2009-08-23T16:31:00.001-07:00

I am proud to say that I made it through my first week back to school. Moving from 5th grade to 3rd is a HUGE world of difference in the abilities of the students. I guess I'm still in 5th grade teacher mind mode. OMG, they are like babies!! I feel like it will take me forever to get anything accomplished! However, I love how sweet and adorable they all are. Okay, most of them. =)

I had my first discipline issue on Friday and both students were giving me two different stories. I just recently learned the most wonderful way to make the students come to agreement and be honest and it worked like a charm. I told them they would walk the track together at recess until they both could give me one story. It took about 1 minute for them to come to the agreement that they wanted to spend recess playing instead of working out a silly problem. We will call the little friend J. J came up to me about 5 minutes after I spoke with them in the hallway with tears in his eyes, and he said, "Ms. Watkins, I am so sorry I lied to you. I told M to do it." I was so shocked and impressed because he was so sincere and apologetic. I told him that I respected him for his honesty and that he could enjoy his recess!

My classroom will be operating on a new discipline program where we have classroom meetings every day to deal with problems the kids want to solve in class. I have a "talk box" where kids fill out a card with their issue and we can discuss it at the classroom meeting. It makes kids accountable for their conflicts and teaches them to solve their problems on their own. They aren't allowed to put anything in the talk box unless they have tried two solutions from the Wheel of Choice.

I really think that this is going to be a great year. I love my kids, my grade level team, and my administration and that can make or break your experience at your place of work. There must be an environment of TRUE positive communication and interaction and I feel lucky to have found that.

On top of that, Nick finally told me he loved me. =) When I asked him why it took him so long, he said he just wanted to make sure he meant it. I couldn't have had a better week. I wish you all the same happiness that I have felt this week.

First Day Jitters

2009-08-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow is my first day back to school with kiddos! The students aren't the only ones with the first day jitters! I am so excited, but so anxious/nervous that I will forgot to do something important. I still feel like I have a million things left to do, plan, and purchase for my classroom.

I have high hopes for this year, but I have never taught third grade so making the switch from fifth grade is going to take a huge change in gears. I am implementing some new strategies and ideas so I'm very excited to see how they work out.

I'll keep you all posted as to the first day! Wish me luck!

Oh, and...

2009-08-13T17:51:00.001-07:00

I've been back to work this week! Yay. No more sitting around on the couch all day or lounging out by the pool. I've been working in my classroom, getting it ready for my little lovelies to come back next week!

I have mixed emotions, though. I am so excited for a new year, a new school, a new administration. Everyone has been absolutely awesome! I am overjoyed that I will be teaching 3rd grade (which I've always dreamt of). I am only a little sad that my summer is almost gone and I have to start waking up at 5 am once again starting next Wednesday. So depressing.

GRRRRRRRRRRR

2009-08-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

Men can be such a flippin' pain in the arse. Stubborn, insensitive, IMPATIENT, and just a royal pain in my rear! Why is it so hard for them? Hmm? Just why? To torture all women's fragile emotions for the rest of their lives? To make them feel more masculine? To just be buttholes?

I am utterly clueless.

Note to all travelers

2009-08-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

You see this man? Does he look happy? No.

While waiting in line for entrance to the Royal Palace of Madrid, there sat this accordion player. He serenaded us with his lovely Spanish music and we smiled and stared. I took it upon myself to take his picture thinking I would have this lovely momento of "Spain." He proceeded to yell at me in Spanish for the next five minutes, waving his finger at me and shaking his head.

The rest of my group quickly informed me that they wish for you to pay them if you take their photograph.

Pffft, give them money? I don't even have any money! He should be honored that I thought him worthy of a picture. The nerve...

Then of course, I had to hear Nick berate me about how I instigate poor people the rest of the trip. So, note to all travelers, do not take photos of people if you don't intend on paying them for their "services."

European Cuisine

2009-08-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

While in Europe, I got to experience some interesting cuisine experiences. Spain was known for having tapas, or appetizers, as we like to call them. Everywhere you went in Spain, fish was on the menu. Yuck! They also served horrible sandwiches with chorizo, ham, or some other kind of meat. The bread was hard and you got no cheese, just the meat. Yeah, I know...not very appetizing.
This was the first place we went to eat. We had a cheese plate that was rather delicious, but this plate of fish wasn't so delicious. I do like tuna, but it just was NOT good. I think there is even a sardine on there. Ick! The fresh mozzarella was yum though.

But, for all the terrible food in Spain and in Europe, there was still Coca-Cola. Mmmm. Delicious, carbonated, refreshing, "Euro Cold" soda. I was so glad to be home and eat a Hardee's cheeseburger with onions, lettuce, tomato, and mustard.

I am on American soil!

2009-08-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

I returned from Europe Sunday and I was sooooo thankful to be off that God forsaken plane! I can't even begin to tell you about the insane amount anxiety that comes over me when I fly. I pray to God to get me safely back on the ground as soon as possible, especially after we hit some turbulence. Lord it makes me crazy!

Usually I relax after we get in the air, but about an hour before the flight, I begin to feel the anxiety set in and I feel nauseated. When we start to have a bumpy ride is when I go wild with thoughts of crashing and plummeting into the deep blue abyss.

We were taking our last flight home from Atlanta to Greenville and I just wanted to get the flight over with so I wouldn't have to feel anxiety anymore and sure enough after I relaxed and thought the flight was going to pleasant, we hit some bumps in the air and I began to hyperventilate and grasp the arm rests. Nick got a little upset and yelled at me. It went something like this...

Nick: "You need to stop freaking out because you're freaking me out!"

Me: "I can't so deal with it!"

Nick: "Well, you need to do something because this is ridiculous."

Me: "Well, that's not going to happen. I can't help it I am so terrified of flying."

Of course, I didn't speak to him the rest of the flight, which was only like 20 minutes. We go to baggage claim and I'm still not speaking to him. He knows I'm upset. He apologizes in his not so sorry way, and then I become more upset and begin to cry telling him I can't help it I get so angsty and upset when I fly and that HE's just going to have to learn to deal with it.

I dry my tears quickly because my mom is waiting to pick us up. She notices but doesn't say anything. He pretends that nothing happened. This is the way it always is though so I'm not surprised.

I was just thankful to have landed finally and SAFELY! It is so good to be home. Europe is a whole new experience and loads of fun, but so proud to be an American!

Travel update

2009-08-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

Hello from Munich, Germany! I'm at my last stop before I fly back to the states tomorrow! We are flying home through Amsterdam and Munich with extra long layovers because it was cheaper. I'm not arguing with adding two more countries to my foreign repetoire.

My brother and a friend drove for 6 hours from Baumholder, Germany to meet me and I am so excited that I am on foreign soil with a sibling. I only wish Kimber could be here as well. We had a great time walking around Munich this morning, and then I decided I needed to take a "siesta" as the Spanish like to call it. I hit a wall. Hard. Now I am rejuvenated and hungry for some weiner shnitzel--which is completely awesome and delicious might I add...

We are waking up from our nap now and headed to the city to drink more delicious beer. Thank goodness for hefeweizen.

Also, note to self: Do NOT ever go to a casino in a foreign country unless you can read the language. You will lose all of your money. That's all.

Madrid, Spain Days 1 and 2

2009-07-28T00:59:00.000-07:00

So far, Europe hasn´t been all that scary, fortunately. There haven´t really been significant differences that just blew my mind either. It is a little strange that all of the restaurants are closed until about 8 or 9 pm. Dinner is late, and if you know me, you know I´m quite literally always starving.

After we toured the Royal Palace of Madrid yesterday, I was so hungry!!! With five people, it´s hard to make a decision about where to go, and we ended stopping at the Plaza de Mayor where we were specifically told NOT to go by the hotel because the food was very ¨touristy.¨ Oh well, I was starving, so I settled for a mediocre paella.

Today, we leave on our seven hour drive through the Spanish countryside for Santa Cruz, Portugal. I´m hoping we stumble upon some fabulous wineries and medieval architecture. I´m certain it will be beautiful regardless.

Just wanted to update everyone as to the vacation status so far as the hotel offers Executive members free computers. I will try to update tomorrow!

Phrases learned:

1) La cuenta, por favor. (The check please)
2) cerrado (closed)
3) a la derecha (to the right) a la izquierda (to the left)
4) Como se dice... (How do you say...)

I want to ask someone how to say ¨Shut up,¨because Nick´s only known phrase is ¨Vamanos!¨

More to come later. Adios!

Fears about Europe

2009-07-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

As most of you have probably gathered by now, I leave for Europe today. I have never been out the country, other than the Bahamas, but that doesn't count, so I am a little apprehensive.

Fears:

1) My plane crashing over the Atlantic. This is probably my biggest fear, hence the reason it is number one.
2) Being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery.
3) Getting robbed by gypsies.
4) Being referred to as "a stupid American."
5) Getting drunk and lost in Amsterdam.
6) Offeding someone.
7) Looking like a moron because I don't speak the languages.

However unlikely it is that any of the following will happen, I still remain anxious/nervous. On the flip side, I am VERY excited and grateful to be able to go and experience a new culture. I love to learn and I think this will be a wonderful and exciting journey!

Wish me luck!

Certain "people" annoy me sometimes

2009-07-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just get so annoyed with certain people that you can’t even stand to look at them? You cringe when they speak to you and wish they wouldn’t so you don’t have to make eye contact. You get ever so annoyed by EVERY little thing this person does. You want to bite their head off for absolutely no good reason other than they get on your ever lovin’ last dang nerve.

I get to this point sometimes with friends. I feel rather bad about it, but I can’t help it. People do things that bother me so much and then I finally hit a breaking point to where I can not stand it any longer. I don’t voice these things to these “people” of course because that would be mean, but inside me there is a war raging on!

It comes out every now and then in snide remarks or hasty actions that result in awkward situations and silences. I wish I was more blunt and forthcoming with the way that I feel, but I was blessed with just being nice. I have this curse where I don’t like hurting other people’s feelings. Lame, I know.

I suppose it really isn’t the worst thing because instead I could be an uber bitch and no one likes uber bitches. But damn, I just wish I was more mean sometimes! I just might get my point across more often.

I envy those who are able to say whatever they feel.

Clarification: I do wish to state that I am not condoning saying things to make people feel bad about themselves, even though it might sound like I do. I am a very emotional person/woman. With that being said, I cry often at things that are so dumb. I just wish I could be more straightforward without being abrasive. I repeat, I do not condone the Nick Gates approach to dealing with people and emotions.

Grandpa's boots

2009-07-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I used to imagine my grandfather as part of some cowboy clan that rode around on horses and chased indians in his hayday. You see, my grandfather always donned his cowboy boots wherever he went, whatever the occasion and so naturally when I was a child, my imagination would run wild with stories and what ifs, but I was always afraid to really know the truth for fear that my little stories, my dream world, would be tainted forever.

I visited him yesterday for the first time in a LONG time. It is shameful actually.

You should know something about him though, he isn't my real grandfather, but he is the only real grandfather I have ever known. He bought the grandchildren presents when we were having a birthday, gave Gran twenty dollar bills to pass around to all of the grand kids at Christmas (she tried to give me my twenty several times, but I did the right thing. I gave it back!) he hugged us when we came near, he supported and embraced my grandmother and our entire family as if we were his own, and he taught my mother how to drive. He was and always will be a true part of my family.

I sat down next to him at the table as he did his crossword. I could see his eyes light up and his spirits lift just because I was there. He lost Gran a little while ago, and he just hasn't been the same since. He smiled at me and I felt proud and happy that I was there to be in his company. We talked about Paris Mountain State Park and about things he remembered. He talked about the Air Force and being stationed in Portland. We talked about my great grandparents, and their parents and cousins and uncles. He showed me pictures of my kin. I didn't recognize their faces, but there was a familiarity about them. It is an odd feeling to see your face in someone else that came before you.

He showed me letters and photos of his family. I glanced into the closet as he searched for more evidence to show me, and I stared in awe at all of his boots. There were over a dozen pairs in all colors and textures, neatly lined in two rows against the wall. It made me smile.

That is when he told me the story of how he came to love those cowboy boots. While in the Air Force, he was in Texas for a while and saw all these men wearing these funny shoes. He didn't like them much, but just mused over their popularity in this town of Amarillo. He was moved to Portland, Oregon where he met Larry. Larry also had cowboy boots. Larry tried to persaude Papa that he should own a pair too. He refused, saying that they weren't his style. Larry persisted and Papa finally relented, telling Larry he would buy some with his next pay check. Larry said, "No! Let me get them for you," and bought my grandfather his very first pair of cowboy boots.

So began his obsession with those boots. He recalled that when he returned home, people in South Carolina spied him funny and thought they were strange, those boots. He wore them anyway, and eventually, the times changed and so did the fashion. Those boots became popular across the nation and he was and will forever be rooted in that first pair of boots.

Along with this story, I discovered a treasured relic of the past that belonged to Papa's mother, Nell. She died several years ago, but she will always be remembered. Among all of the photos in her keepsake box, I came across a pamphlet with a few notebook pages inside. Nell had written love poems across all of it's empty pages between 1932 and 1933. I would like to share with you my favorite poem from her small collection titled, "Young Love."

Within my bed, the whole night through,
I turn and turn-and think of you.
And wonder when we met today,
If you said what you meant to say.
And what you thought I thought you meant;
And did you get my meaning when….
And then the whole thing through again.
I only hope that somewhere you;
Are sleeping very badly too.

Nell

I always had this view of her growing up as being a little senile, as did the rest of the cousins, but my vision couldn't have been farther from the truth and has since been utterly transformed after reading her words. The amount of love she held for the love of her life was astounding and impossible to measure, but you get a sense at least through her words. I aspire to one day cherish love as she does.

I felt like sharing some of who I am and where I came from after my visit yesterday. It makes me regret that I do not visit him more often. When I rose to leave, he hugged me hard and told me how much I had made his day. It was such a good feeling, I think I will do it again soon.

10 Things I Cannot Live Without

2009-07-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

1) My hairbrush--I hate knots.

2) Books--They keep me thinking, creating, inventing, and yearning for more.

3) A camera/my photo collection—They tell a life’s story, and who are we without a story?

4) My planner--I need a visual schedule or else I will cease to function and neglect all of my bills.

5) My mother—she is ALWAYS there for me. I don’t know what I would do without her.

6) The internet—It has become a huge part of my life, i.e. facebook, blogger, gmail, myspace, twitter. Whatever would we do without it? I use it like crack and wouldn’t know what to do with myself if it were no longer usable. For example, right now, the internet keeps going in and out which is making me neurotic.

7) Music—I think you can all agree with me on this. I shouldn’t have to explain why. Pick your favorite reason.

8) My friends—Because when I am sad, angry, overjoyed, or excited, I want to share it all with them and they will listen. Everyone needs someone to listen.

9) Cherry Chapstik—No, not the song. I like it on my lips.

10) Laughter—It strengthens my spirit. “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” ~Yiddish Proverb

What I've been up to

2009-07-20T11:24:00.001-07:00

My vacation was marvelous, but short lived unfortunately. Luckily, I depart for my "big vacation" on Saturday! I am headed to Spain, Portugal, Amsterdam, and then Munich. Our tickets were cheaper if we left via Amsterdam and Munich, but I'm certainly not complaing. Being a girl whose never even left the country, I am eager to travel to anywhere beyond this one!

I cannot wait to soak in all of the architecture, landscapes, and cuisine galore! I want to learn all that I can about everything and knowing that experiencing is the best way to learn, I think this will be extremely enlightening. I will take lots of photo documentation of these travels and share them with you as soon as possible. I am hoping Nick brings his laptop so I can share with you all along the way, but if he doesn't oh well. We will be quite busy anyway.

This is my last week of classes. I am taking a class on teaching the Great Depression and it's effects on South Carolina. I am really into it and I think I will enjoy teaching it to my students this year.

I have learned so many new things that I want to try in my classroom this year, but I am a little apprehensive since this will be my first year teaching third grade. This has been my dream for so long though and I am eager to get started. Already, I've purchased books and attended classes that have sparked new ideas and interests. I hope that my students will be taught to love learning as much I do. It is no small task, but it all begins with me.

Since I went down to the beach last week, I haven't done any walking/running in like 5 days! I was at my lowest weight, 123 pounds, right before I left. But that all went to hell in a hand basket, of course, when I devoured all that delicious seafood. I plan on getting back on the band wagon TODAY. I get so distraught each day over when I am going to go. It's normally too hot to go in the middle of the day, so I try to go early on or in the late evening. I will be back in the game tonight though. Don't worry!

I had a really nice day today. I got out of class and went to lunch by myself at Barley's downtown. They have wonderful pizza, wraps, and sandwiches, not to mention the most amazing selection of beer. I sat at the bar alone, enjoyed a Raspberry UFO, and continued reading my South Carolina Women book. It's taking me longer than expected, but I am almost finished.

I walked around downtown after lunch, taking pictures, and stopping in stores. It's funny, as long as I've lived in Greenville, I haven't been in over half of the unique little shops and boutiques. Even though I have absolutely no money until pay day Friday, it's still nice to just browse around and see what the stores have to tempt me with.

On the road again

2009-07-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

I decided to head down to Myrtle Beach for a few days with my family. Here are some pictures of the ride down there.

I know...my sandals are adorable. Just avoid eyeing the general toe region/area. I've been told they are Frodo toes aka Frotoes. Thanks Don.

Britton is even more adorable. Don't deny it.

New haircut. No makeup. Lovely.

Oh yeah, that happened. It was PURE JOY!

Kimber said her butt fell asleep or something. Bitty Boo's was just playing with DVD's. Whatever works man.

Ah, I love summer vacation. More to come later.

On a side note, I forgot to bring running shoes. Eek. This could get ugly. Ginger + Seafood = 10 lbs. in 3 days. Lord, help me!

On eating pork tenderloin

2009-07-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

My sister is great. We were eating dinner outside at Soby's last night, only to be mauled by a mob of flies. This is what Kimber had to say about it.

Kimber swats a fly away from her plate. She tries to give them a tiny plate of broccoli to divert their attention, but to no avail. They must not like broccoli.

Kimber: It must be because we are eating cow. You know how flies like cows.

Jenna and I burst out laughing.

Me: Sweetie, this is pig. Pork is pig.

We all laugh hysterically.

Jenna: Well, flies like pigs too. Have you ever seen a pig sty!?

Kimber: See, then that would explain all these flies!

Oh, Kimber...I love you man.

I'm craving mcnuggets...

2009-07-14T14:41:00.000-07:00

I haven't run in like three days and I am so exhausted. I'm not used to being up at 7:30 am every morning again and I'm desperately wishing for a nap. I tried to sleep today, but Andy came home and I could hear him chewing every bite of his club sandwich and then it made me hungry.

I am seriously craving McDonald's chicken nuggets, a quarter pounder, and some fries. YIKES! So, I guess food kind of ruined my couch nap. =(

I think I am just really grouchy and irritated today. It sounds like I really do need a run. I'd probably be more cheerful.

Ugh.

My sister's birthday is Thursday, so she decided she wanted to go to Soby's for her celebration dinner tonight since we are leaving for the beach tomorrow night. I LOVE Soby's (my favorite restaurant remember?), but for some reason I am still craving that cheeseburger.

Sigh. There is something wrong with me today...

Potato Curry is good for the soul

2009-07-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

I have become obsessed with Trevor's potato curry. I have demanded that he make it at least twice in the past three weeks. In light of my new found love for potato curry, I decided to make it myself a few nights ago. It looks a little darker than when Trevor makes it, but I still thought it was delicious. I "kicked it up a notch," as Emeril likes to say.

This is the potato curry. Obviously. It may look a little like a soup, or vomit perhaps, but I promise you it is simply divine.

When I decided to take a picture of it, you can see that I had gotten a wee bit hasty. =) I serve it over warm pita bread. You can also eat it like a pita taco. I prefer cutting it on the pita that way I can perfectly ration how many peas and potatoes I get in each bite, slowing down the eating process thus helping with portion control so I get full quicker. Weird? Maybe. But it works.

The recipe is super simple and once you have all of the spice ingredients, you can make the recipe numerous times after without buying them again.

Ingredients
6 medium potatoes
3 tablespoons oil
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cumin seed
1/2 teaspoon mustard seeds
1 teaspoon turmeric
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
2 cups water
1 cup plain yogurt
2/3 cup cooked peas

Directions
1. Peel potatoes and dice as evenly as possible.
2. Heat oil and add spices when warm.
3. Let simmer for 2 to 3 minutes, then add potatoes and stir well to coat with oil and spices.
4. Continue for 5 to 10 minutes so potato cubes are slightly crisp.
5. Add water, lower heat and simmer slowly for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally, until potatoes are tender.
6. Add yogurt and peas, heat for another 5 minutes and serve.

South Carolina's famous bridges

2009-07-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a day trip yesterday with Eliza, her sister Katherine, and Katherine's two boys. Eliza had read in G Magazine (Greenville's Magazine) about two old bridges in South Carolina along highway 11. Aside from Greenville being the only place in America to find a curved suspension bridge, we also hold a few other pretty spectacular bridges. We hopped in the Highlander and went for a road trip! Here is the evidence...

This is South Carolina's oldest surviving bridge, constructed in 1820. It is known as the Poinsett Bridge, after Joel R Pionsett who was ambassador to Mexico and was an early settler of Greenville. That name sound familiar? It should. Poinsett introduced the poinsettia flower to the U.S. and it was then forever known as the poinsettia. The bridge was commissioned between 1817-1819 by Poinsett who was director of the South Carolina Board of Public Works, hence the reason why the bridge is named for him. It is rumored that Robert Mills, architect of the Washington Monument, may have designed the bridge, though no one knows for certain.

All I can say is that this bridge is stunning. It's gothic stone arch way also gives a spooky medieval touch and what's more, the bridge is said to be haunted by the ghosts of a slave who was hung there, an old indian tribe, and a laborer who died while the bridge was under construction. I love ghost stories, so the fact that it may possibly be haunted just made it more exciting.

This is a picture from on top of the bridge. In the 1800's, this was the State Road that connected Columbia, S.C. to Asheville, N.C. No paved roads, just dirt and rocks. This sparked a discussion about the previous patrons that traveled this bumpy road. How did they eat? How did they deal with weather situations? Where did they sleep? This must have been a seriously dangerous and not to mention LONG journey. Thinking about all of these things just really makes me wonder about the ghosts of the past and how they lived. It is all very interesting to me and this piece of history is a great reminder of those who came before us.

Here I am standing in the bridge's archway. I was disappointed that I didn't encounter any spooks or spirits, but it was still exciting.

On the way to the next bridge, we saw wild turkeys! I was in total shock! I have never seen a wild turkey and have heard of their elusiveness so imagine my surprise when we saw three! They look like shriveled old men if I'm being honest, but they were cool to see nonetheless.

Located in Gowensville, SC sits the infamous Campbell's Covered Bridge. It holds the title of being South Carolina's last remaining covered bridge. For some reason, it reminds me of "Beetlejuice." Didn't they die on a covered bridge or something? Anyway, this bridge is also rumored to be haunted, but I didn't find it one bit creepy.

The bridge was erected in 1909 by Charles Irwin Willis and was named after the grist mill owner Alexander Lafeyette Campbell who maintained the Campbell corn mill on the property for several years. It has been restored twice since it's construction in 1909 and is now owned and preserved by Greenville County.

It is a pretty little bridge, isn't it?

Things I've learned about running

2009-07-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

Since Nick and I began this whole competition to see who could lose the most body fat, I didn't really see myself putting my heart into it when he first mentioned the idea. He didn't think I would either. He didn't believe that I would even try. Wow, what a vote of confidence.

Then, of course I felt like I had something to prove. So there I was, walking at first, then walking and running a little bit, then running a little bit more, and little bit more. Now, it's become more than trying to prove to him or to anyone else that I can live a better, healthier lifestyle. It's about trying to prove to myself that I can do it. I don't want to be 30, overweight, and diagnosed with heart disease because I ate every McDonald's cheeseburger from here to Timbuktu.

In light of my recent ventures around town, I have learned some things about running:

It's freakin' hard. It ain't no walk in the park (sometimes it is, but you know what I mean).
It starts to suck a little less each day. I swear.
Your hatred for running (if you are a runner hater, which I have always been) will eventually turn to like, fondness, and possibly even love. I'm not quite a lover yet, but I am starting to like it.
Don't go after you eat a humongous meal. Just don't...
Always pee before you go. You do NOT want to be stuck out in the middle of your run trying to find a bush to hide behind because your bladder is about to explode. Trust me.
Running continuously without stopping is easier than running then stopping repeatedly, at least in my opinion.
Don't lean forward when you run. (Thank you Austin!)
Do purchase an mp3 player of some sort because it makes the run so much more pleasant and enjoyable. It can get boring out there! It also makes me more motivated.
It takes a lot of self-discipline sometimes. I have had to force myself off of the couch and onto the road. You won't regret it though.
Establish a breathing pattern. Man, if you would have seen me the first time. I was gasping and wheezing like an asthmatic until I began breathing at a steady pace.
It burns calories! Duh.

Now I am no expert on running, but over the past few weeks, these are some things that I have discovered about this new little obsession that I have. I will keep you all informed as to the status of the competition so stay tuned!

My Life In Lists--10 Reasons Why I Love Greenville

2009-07-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'm adding a new weekly feature to be titled, "My Life in Lists." Each week, I will add a list of whatever I feel like sharing. I have already shared one list, 10 Things I Want to Accomplish This Year.

This week: 10 Reasons Why I Love Greenville

1) It's location. Not only is it a mere 30-45 minutes from the mountains (beautiful view of the foothills), but the beach is only a hop, skip, and a jump away as well. Can't beat that!
2) It's home to my favorite restaurant, Soby's.
3) Tiger in Your Tank is quite possibly the best frozen drink you'll ever gulp down. City Tavern sells them by the plenty if you get thirsty for a frozen colada.
4) Spill the Beans sells the most delicous and refreshing mint chocolate ice cream.
5) Downtown. The streets are lined with trees wrapped in Christmas lights year round. The shops and stores are a mix of vintage/antique and contemperary/modern. The restaurants and bars are delightful and fun.
6) The bridge on the West End holds the title of being the only curved suspension bridge in the America. It overlooks the Reedy River Falls (which isn't quite so lovely.)
7) Cleveland Park. It's scenic, and it has paved paths for walking and running. There are tennis courts and it has Shakespeare in the Park.
8) Rainbow Falls at Camp Greenville. The water tumbles over the 100 foot falls, descending as a mist to the rock slabs below. You can walk around under it to cool off after your 30 minute hike down to the falls.
9) The Cafe at Williams Hardware makes the most delicious soups and quiches you have ever had. Seriously.
10) My family and friends live here, and I couldn't live without them. What more could I ask for?

Coming up with this list was a lot harder than I thought. What do you love about your town?

Hi. I shrink water bottles.

2009-07-09T15:20:00.001-07:00

Can we just talk about how much of a moron I am for a second? I have shrunk two water bottles in the past month! The first fiasco happened in the dishwasher. OOPS! It wasn't even mine. See picture 1.

So, we go to the Arthritis Walk in Charleston and get these free UCB water bottles and I was so excited I didn't have to buy Trevor a new one. Well, we went to play tennis on Monday and had to conduct a rampant search for one of the water bottles that I had gone MIA.

I thought a moment. Aha! It was in my car. I picked it up out of the backseat and to my dismay, it was shriveled, warped and pathetic. I had done it again! OOPS! I guess you could infer my car was pretty toasty last week as it lay there in the backseat. See picture 2.

I want to be a princess

2009-07-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

So, my niece had her graduation a few weeks ago and I have been meaning to share this. They sang the most hilarious song, "A Tootie Ta," which you can view on youtube at the link below.

FYI: This is not Reese's graduating class, but it was the best example on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkOGMqoILR8

Also, apparently Reese's career aspirations are a little unrealistic...See number 23

Seth, number 26, must be on the same wavelength as Reese, because he wants to be a king!! Good luck Seth!

I have the cutest nieces ever.

2009-07-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

I know we could all argue about how cute our family's kids are, but seriously...Mine couldn't get any cuter.

Reese and Britton (Bitty, Britty, Bitty Boo, Bits, whatever you wanna call her) at the pool on the Fourth of July.

My brother, Ryan. He leaves to go back to Germany today. Isn't he a handsome devil?

**sniff sniff**

Britton: How many things can I hold in one hand?

See, I told you so.

Leap up. Squat down.

2009-07-07T17:33:00.001-07:00

I had a pretty full day today. First, Tom Roe's writer's handbook class and then a really fun class on incorporating music and movement into the classroom. I learned a lot of cute ditty's to teach to my students next year, so I am really excited! Now that I will be teaching third grade, I won't feel so lame singing silly songs and dancing around. You all remember how I sometimes feel that urge to bust-a-move.

We had the opportunity to write our own little songs which I am hesitant to share with you...but I will anyway. It isn't so much a song as it is a chant and it doesn't really teach children an academic concept, but is useful for transitioning from subject to subject by getting students active for a moment before starting the next lesson. Not only does it get them active for a brief moment, it allows the student to focus their attention on the next lesson of the day.

It goes to the childhood chant/tune of "Jump in. Jump out. Introduce yourself. My name is..." You get the idea.

Ok, here goes...

Leap Up. Squat Down.

Leap up! Squat Down! Spin yourself around! (Student's do movements)
I know it's my time. Yeah! (Point to self)
But now it's your time. Yeah! (Point to teacher)
So I'll get ready! Yeah! (Jump out and spread arms)
By sit-ting all the way down. (Students twist down into their seats or the floor)

Before you start pointing and laughing, just remember, this song wasn't constructed with you in mind, but with the children of my future classrooms.

On my lunch break, I meandered over to the mall with the thought of grabbing some Jambalaya. I totally dig this stuff even though it's SOOO not good for my "diet." I ended up having about 45 minutes to kill before my next class started, so I did what any normal girl would have done. I shopped. I shopped even though I only had like $75 measley bucks in my sad and extremely pathetic bank account. I know, I just gave myself a little pity party.

I purchased a lovely little tube dress from Body Central that I am dying to wear like right now, even though it's 9 pm and I'm in pajamas with absolutely nowhere to go, except for maybe the bed. I also bought an adorable mustard yellow woven sweater from New York and Company, perfect for summer, and possibly even an accent to my lovely little tube dress.

After I got home, I spent way too much time looking through all of the new music Nick gave me last night. I added some new jams to my ipod and hit the road again. I ran 75% of the way! I am so stoked. It is getting easier and easier every day and what's even more amazing is how much better I feel. I am awesome.

Nick Gates, you are going down. Down!

Snapshots of Greenville

2009-07-06T14:23:00.001-07:00

I was inspired after viewing another blog to post some pictures I have taken around beautiful downtown Greenville.

This is of one of the bridges downtown. I love this view and the reflection off of the water.

I guess I sort of have a thing with this bridge. This is a shot from standing on the bridge itself. I also like how you can see another bridge in the background. I think it came out nicely in black and white, don't you think?

This is a close up of the same bridge. Isn't it lovely?

This is the Chamber of Commerce in Greenville's historic West End district.

Fountain's are pretty. I like how the sun is shining directly behind this one.

Downtown Greenville has statues everywhere so we took the opportunity to snap a few shots with them. I'm sure they didn't mind!

This steeple is beautiful. Enuff said.

Speaking of zombies...

2009-07-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

Dave Johnson, who I previously mentioned in the last blog, is running a marathon in order to raise money to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. This man is so dedicated in his love for zombies that his donation letter to his friends is even centered around zombies.

The letter reads as follows:

Dear Associates & Zombie Lovers,

Throughout the course of our lives, the chances are pretty high that we will find ourselves running desperately for our lives in one way, form or another. We may find ourselves evading frightening rhino stampedes or perhaps we will be forced into frantic upheaval to avoid nomadic daredevils, but the most probable circumstance that will force us into a panic, simply put, is the cacophonous cries of a zombie uprising. I'm not making this up...really.

I have recently opted to place myself into such a situation. (No, I have not finally gone mad, despite what my blog says.) Hmmm, that's still questionable. My intentions on such a daring excursion rest upon a foundation of charity and compassion. About three weeks ago, I signed myself up to run a marathon in honor of all those whose lives have been affected by blood cancers, and I have pledged to raise $4,000 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society through an organization called Team in Training (TNT).

TNT is an organization whose mission is to find a cure for leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma. Aside from funding research, TNT dares seasoned marathoners to add a hint of danger and a dallop of suspense in order to increase marathoners' likelihood of acquiring donations. The event I have signed up for incorporated the risk and allure of meandering zombies, aka Zombathon!

For those of you who are unaware of some of the dangers associated with Zombies, here is a quick list:

1) Most zombies hunger for human flesh. Others are just interested in your make-up.
2) Zombies are the #1 killer of marathoners, with spaghetti-hunger being a close 2nd.
3) Zomber can use basic tools (rocks, knives, calculators). HAHA I would just hate it if the zombies couldn't use calculators!

I have chosen to run the Marine Corps Zombathon in Washington, D.C. on October 28, 2009. As previously noted, this ain't no ordinary Marathon, as I will be fighting for my life. Well, no shit. I will be racing for not only a valuable cause but for my own life! For, I must outrun the horde of zombies chasing us marathoners. If you would like to make a donation to show your support, you can either send a check payable to The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, directly by mail or donate over the Internet via my website www.tinyurl.com/runDaverun. I recommend donating through the website. (Oh yeah, all donations are tax deductible. Pictures of Zombies are not accepted as donations.) Crap, there went my donation...

I hope you are able to support me and if you would like to see pictures of me successfully outrunning two zombies, please ask. I would, thanks. Whether your support is through a donation or a simple word of encouragement, I would be extremely grateful. You can do it Dave! Please visit my website as often as possible to keep up with my progress...

Respectfully,

Dave Johnson
Zombie Control Member #31,289
P.S. You can also watch the race on ESPN ZOMBOCHO.

Note: Zombathan is a ficticious marathon cooked up in Dave Johnson's mind. He will be running the Marine Corps Marathon.

After we all read this hysterical donation letter, we discussed arriving to the Marathon in D.C. dressed as zombies to make his letter come to life. I was watching a Cake Boss marathon with Rachel and the team was asked to make a zombie cake for a Zombie Walk that took place in NYC. I thought about how funny and appropriately timed it was given the "Zombathon" Dave will participating in. What do you think? Should we all dress as zombies and chase Dave along with fellow marathoners through the streets of D.C.? I could even call the "Cake Boss" and order a celebratory cake for the occasion!

Also, go donate to a great cause!

You should practice kicking zombies

2009-07-06T12:19:00.001-07:00

I went to my first class this morning with the ever engaging Tom Roe. No...really, he is. That man is the king of copies, handouts, foldables, and notebooks. Everytime I have a class with him, he gives out a ton of materials and I still end up taking a gazillion notes!

In other news, I made it back to running/walking today. I literally had to force myself to get off of the couch and go, but it was worth it once I got out there. I was feeling the music and got this insane urge to bust-a-move, but I didn't want to look like a complete weirdo running through the park.

When I got back from running, I plopped down on the floor of Nick's bedroom to relax under the cool breeze of the fan. I was complaining to him about how I hate my leg fat/cellulite (you know what I'm talkin' about ladies...) He suggested that I practice kicking zombies and I would more than likely get my desired outcome.

He and his friends have this weird obsession with zombies, marmosets, and mongooses. (Nick argues that it's plural form is mongai, if this gives you any inclination as to how strange he is sometimes...) To prove this fact, one of his friends, Dave Johnson, decided to read my blog about my 1o Things to Accomplish This Year. If you recall, my number 1o was to read a classic to which he suggested, "Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies." Honestly, I can't explain the wild and unruly minds of these men. His blog, http://lugubrious-delirium.com/, should you choose to check it out, is even more bizarre and further drives my whole point home.

Their craziness, wacky words, and choice phrases always leave me with a smile though, so I really can't complain.

Tonight, me, Nick, and Hillary are going to play tennis. This will be a good addition to my running today since I took four days off gorging myself with delicious food and beer. Hey, it was the Fourth of July weekend! Give me a break!

God Bless America!

2009-07-05T12:22:00.001-07:00

Nick's parents are gone, along with the very enjoyable Fourth of July weekend. It's good to have Nick to myself before he leaves again though. =) I did very much enjoy his family. His parents are awesome and took us out to my absolute most favorite dinner restaurant, Soby's! It is delicious Southern cuisine sure to satisfy any appetite, especially mine!

My parents hosted a cookout for the whole family at Papa's pool for the 4th and for Ryan's fast approaching departure back to Baumholder, Germany. We swam all day, drinking cold beer and playing childhood games. There were children everywhere and it reminded me of when I was young. This pool was the epicenter of family gatherings and weekend activities. It makes me a little sad to think about the many days in the sun spent here. Even though Papa is still around, it just isn't the same without Gran.

Now, all of us children that used to run around the pool playing Sharks and Minnows and Marco Polo are the parents, aunts, and uncles that used to protect us from the sun's evil rays and patch up our boo boo's when we fell on the concrete and scraped our knees, even though we knew we weren't supposed to be running on it in the first place.

So many memories have been made there and I hope that our children can one day say the same things about that pool. It may just be a pool, but to me, it is the crux of my family. It is what I think of when I remember the good times I've had as a child and even now, as an adult. It is good and happy. It is my family.

Hmmm, this blog took on quite a sentimental turn, eh? Well, I hope everyone's Fourth of July weekend was as enjoyable and filled with family and friends as mine was. The fireworks show downtown was beautiful and made me want to start singing God Bless America or The Star Spangled Banner. All eyes were turned to the sky as they watched the magnificent spectacle of colors and sparkles and I remembered saying to someone that it was "eyegasmic." Well, I thought it was clever at the time...

And in case you were wondering, I haven't run in three days and I am terrified to step back on the scale to see the damage I've done. Ugh...

Additionally, my first class for Summer Academy starts tomorrow! No more being lazy on the couch! My summer is running out fast! Before I know it, I'll be in Europe with Nick's family and then back to the daily grind! Yikes! (Not about the Europe part, just so we're clear...)

Did you just bite me!?

2009-07-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

Nick's parents are in town and I am being a total slacker on my calorie counting and exercise. I ran by myself yesterday, even though Nick said that he would go with me. I am glad he didn't. I wanted to go the road alone! I actually ran more than I walked and didn't feel as winded as I thought!! It was pretty amazing.

Then, we headed to Wild Wings and I drank mucho cerverzas. BAD idea. I felt like a fat helfer this morning when I woke up. Those five pounds I worked off are now residing in my ass again.

**sniff sniff**

I went to bed around 1:30, but woke up to Nick biting me on the back! What the hell!? Yeah, that happened. He bit me.

I thought to myself, Did he just bite me!? OWWW that hurt! What the heck is wrong with you!? Are you insane!? Nick, what the F*#@!?

I turned around to beat him off of me, but he had already rolled over. And he says I'm the freak show...

Today? I have mostly been vegging on the couch and watching TV with Nick's sister, Rachel. I haven't found my mojo to run. I did, however, put together Nick's new patio furniture with his mom and sister. Us women are useful for some things after all!

Laser tag, go carts, and putt putt...

2009-07-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

I went running this morning and I felt great! I actually ran as much as I walked today instead of mostly walking. I'm getting there...

I couldn't use my ipod because, well, you know...

I went to lunch with my roommate, Jeannie, and her daughter, Jenna, at the Cafe at Williams Hardware in Travelers Rest. It is simply awesome! They have the best homemade quiches, chicken salad, and soups. This was the first time I had gone during the week so I was a little disappointed to learn that they only do quiches on Saturdays. Oh well, my chicken salad sandwich and soup were delish.

I was complaining to Jeannie on the way back about how I can't download itunes on my new laptop and Jenna's like, "Well, I have itunes and a bunch of great work out music if you want to come over and sync your ipod." Hellz yeah I do.

So, I stole some of her music and downloaded some new stuff as well. I am so excited!!! Now I finally have real motivation to go running through the park, wind blowing on my face, tunes ringing in my ears....You get the picture.

Ahhhh. Satisfaction.

So, tonight, I planned a little family and friends gathering at Frankie's Fun Park. I thought it would be a good idea to go do something besides drinking at a bar. I haven't played laser tag in eons and will probably get my ass handed to me, but at least it will be fun. However, I plan on dominating my competition in putt putt and go carts. I will drive that go cart like it's nobody's business!

Well, I'm off to go show everyone how to drive a go cart!

Ginger spells M-O-R-O-N

2009-06-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

Remember those two paintings I sold a couple of weeks ago? Well, it just so happens that I mailed them to myself.

Yes. Yes I did.

The conversation went something like this...

Jeannie: There is a huge box here for you.

Ginger: What? Really!? I knew I hadn't ordered anything online, so I had no idea what it could have been.

Jeannie: Yeah, it's like a few inches wide but really tall.

Ginger: Hmmm, that's weird.

I paused for a moment.

Oh, no. Oh, no. The realization sets in... I think I mailed the paintings to myself! Can you check the box and make sure?

Jeannie: Yeah, you totally mailed them to yourself.

Laughter ensues for a moment, then I kick myself.

I am awesome.

Beer = Bad News

2009-06-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

Soooo, I drank one too many Blue Moon's last night. Uhm, yeah...now I feel like poo and have wasted away the day on the couch watching Jerry Springer and MTV reality shows. I know, what a way to stimulate my brain cells...

When I finally began to feel a little better, I went to Wal-Mart to purchase my ipod! YAY! I was going to buy the new 4 GB ipod shuffle, but I don't like the controls on it and decided to go with the 2nd generation instead. It's green and it's adorable. I can't wait to hit the pavement listenin' to mah jams!

But now, I am encountering a problem. I tried to download itunes but my new school laptop has administrative restrictions against downloading certain programs. I am so not happy about this. Nope. Not at all. How am I supposed to get my music on there!?!

**Stomps feet and whines**

Seriously, what the hell am I supposed to do with an ipod that has NO music?

This is a problem people...

Planner, oh planner, where have you gone?

2009-06-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

I have lost my beloved planner. It has been MIA since the last day of school. I thought that when I unpacked all of my stuff into my new classroom that it would reappear, but no. It has not.

I tried the Outlook version and it totally sucks in comparison, but that's just my opinion. Outlook doesn't allow a quick flip of a page and I am a very impatient person!

My planner is my only tool that keeps my life in order. My appointments, classes, trips, bills, and social events live in my planner...

I seriously can't function without it! So, since I am too poor to buy a new one, I will have to use the insufferable Outlook temporarily and just complain about it until I get a new one if that's okay with you!

**Sigh**

Strange girl with Ipod spotted in Cleveland Park

2009-06-29T08:12:00.001-07:00

My body is SOOO sore. I have done nothing but push myself this entire week, and I am finally starting to feel the burn!! After watching the FIFA Cup yesterday, Trevor decided he wanted to pretend he could still play soccer. No offense Trevor. Don't feel bad for him though, I have no idea how to play soccer, but I went. He tried to teach me how to kick the ball, how to pass, etc. We ran around for like 45 minutes! It was good for me to have someone there to push me.

Then, we hit the tennis courts. I was feeling pretty good at that point. I kicked Trevor's ass and it was awesome! I thoroughly enjoyed it though and not just the kicking his ass part (though that was fun,) but we actually volleyed the ball back and forth quite a bit, whereas when I play with Nick, I usually have trouble making a return because he thinks he's Andy Roddick. So much more enjoyable when you can actually play a game! Ahemmmm....Nick!

Total hours of physical activity amounted to about 2 hours. Go me!

Also, I have decided. It is time to buy the Ipod. I feel the need to bump some Michael Jackson, Tina Turner, and Vanilla Ice as I run i.e. walk fast through the Swamp Rabbit Trail. But beware, if you see a strange girl, singing wildly, and dancing like a mad woman in Cleveland park, it is only me!

Who needs a newspaper when you have Facebook?

2009-06-28T11:56:00.000-07:00

Over the past week, I’ve learned that South Carolina Governor Sanford is, pardon my French, a douchebag (no surprise there), that Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Billy Mays died (so sad), and that the USA will take on Brazil in the FIFA Cup Final (Go USA!!) ALL through the statuses of my dear Facebook friends.

Top 10 Things to Accomplish this year

2009-06-28T11:28:00.000-07:00

1. Slim down—reduce my body fat In progress
2. Taste Kobe beef Thank you "Iron Chef America"
3. Go on a Sasquatch hunt Yes…this is for real.
4. Begin grad school Workin’ on it.
5. Better manage my money or lack there of it!
6. Lesson plan a week ahead of time i.e. procrastinate less!
7. Run a mile without stopping to gasp for air Seriously...
8. Dance more, cry less Apparently I don’t dance enough and I probably cry too much, according to Nick. WHAT?! I can't help it I'm emotionally challenged!
9. Get a new ipod Both of mine have mysteriously disappeared and I am NOT happy about it!
10. Read a classic novel Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, any suggestions?

I have nothing significant to say other than...

2009-06-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

The dishwasher is mysteriously not working and I hate doing dishes. Dilemma? Yes. I think so.

No turning back now

2009-06-26T13:45:00.000-07:00

I filled out my FAFSA and completed my online college application at Grand Canyon University.

Now, I wait for my enrollment councelor to contact me and my financial aid application to process.

Wow.

I did it. Just like that. I just did it.

I feel mixed emotions. Excitement and fear all at the same time. I actually enjoyed college--I don't mean the partying and days on the beach, though they were enjoyable--but the actual learning. How was I to know how to really teach a child Math or how important Social Studies is to their little lives? I liked the researching, the notetaking, the discussing, the writing, ALL of it!

But I am fearful also; If I know myself, I know I am a born procrastinator. Taking online classes leaves a huge responsibility on me to do my work every week on time. What if I can't find time between teaching full time and doing classwork every week for the next year and a half!? I must make time. That really cannot even be a question.

But gosh, I did it. There is no turning back now.

Grad school = deferred student loans = temporary happiness

2009-06-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

So, I spoke with one of my very best friends from college this morning. She told me some exciting news, which I cannot yet share with you because....well, I just can't yet. =) We talked about our jobs, dream vacations, and school. She is currently in grad school pursuing her Masters of Education in Curriculum and Instruction of Reading.

It really got me thinking about where I want to go with my career over the next several years. I decided it was time to start thinking about what I want to do now. Actually, it's not really a question of what, but rather when. I know that I want to continue my education and given the poverty level at my school, I think that Reading would be a great area to pursue.

Now, I need to contact the school and get information about when I could start, tuition; all that fun stuff. It will also be nice to defer my current student loans for a couple of years. Once I finish the program, my salary will have increased at least $6,000. Not too shabby for a year and half's worth of work.

On another note, I decided I would take a break from running/walking today since I have kickball tonight. My team has finally made it to a respectable standing in the league. We are ranked 3rd out of 15 or so teams. Unfortunately, our finals are this evening and half of my team (mainly my all-star players) can't make it! I mean, what the hell? Who signs up for a season of kickball, and by signs up I mean pays $60 flippin' bucks, and then doesn't show up to games!? What a waste of your money and my precious team space! Well, it pisses me off to say the least!

If I have to forfeit on our first chance at kickball championship victory, I will not be a very happy camper. No sirree! I'll keep you updated. Maybe, by some miracle of God, we will overcome this travesty and kick "Kick in da Balls" in da balls and move on to claim our glorious prize. So what if it is a fake golden chalice...

Excel, Swamp Rabbits, and Villanova

2009-06-25T10:49:00.000-07:00

So, I have been keeping track of my daily progress with Excel in this little competition of mine. Each day my weight and body fat have decreased or stayed the same. That's progress, right? I know it's only like Day 5, and it could just be a fluke, but it's motivation enough for me to keep going. Who knew Excel could be so useful!?

I am quite proud of myself for forcing myself to go walking/running last night through part of the Swamp Rabbit trail in Cleveland park. It really is a nice, scenic surrounding and I am actually looking forward to doing it again today, only I am going to go backwards (there are more hills.) After I got back, I worked my abs and thighs with a little routine I will keep as my secret. I am feeling the burn a little in my abs and legs today, which is a very good sign.

I have also really been trying to be conscious of what I am eating. I read that eating 6 small meals a day helps you burn more fat. I also read that drinking copious amounts of water will also help you lose body fat. I had always known that drinking a lot of water was good for you but I never knew why until now. If you drink a lot of water, it makes you feel more full and less likely to eat a lot during a meal! I mean, now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense.

So, today's agenda:

Eat smaller portioned meals (If you know me, you know this is difficult for me...)

Drink lots of water

Walk the Swamp Rabbit trail

Eat Trevor's potato curry

Go see Villanova at Wild Wings with Dunnie (maybe...)

Drink no alcohol (Hmmm, we'll see how well that works out)

Btw, if you have never seen or heard Villanova, they are freaking awesome!! Check them out at Wild Wings. Also, visit them on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Villanova-Band/11805128212 or their official website at http://www.villanovaband.net/

The battle continues...

2009-06-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

I woke up overly exhausted this morning. I was supposed to get up early to go running with Andy, but I didn't even stir until 10:45! I haven't been very motivated to do any sort of physical activity today, however, I did motivate myself to move all of the things that have been piled in my car since the last day of school into my new classroom, with Andy's help of course. I guess it could be considered a physical activity, though we used a cart instead of carrying everything by hand this time! I plan on making up for it this evening with a walk/run when the heat subsides.

Aside from this, I have begun reading a new book Eliza got for me at a conference on Women of South Carolina. "South Carolina Women: Their Lives and Times-Volume I" is a collection of essays on several noteworthy Southern women who fought for the rights of women and African Americans. It gives us insight into the lives of women before, during, and after the Civil War; Poor women, slave women, and the wealthy women of the antebellum South.

Though I have only read the first chapter about a female Native American chief captured by Hernando de Soto, the rest of the book seems quite intriguing! I look forward to sitting down and reading more of it.

More tomorrow...

The competition

2009-06-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

So, Nick has challenged me to a body fat/weight loss competition with a bet in the works. I am thinking a nice vacation to a clear blue water beach somewhere. Anywhere, I don't care!

He bought a scale and I weighed in at 129 lbs, with 33% body fat! Holy crap! I couldn't believe it. For my age and height, my body fat is in the Very High range. Talk about gut wrenching, I mean I knew I had gained weight, but geez. Something has to be done about this and what better way than to kick the crap out of this competition and claim my glorious prize, and it WILL be glorious!

I felt really good this morning. I woke up at 9:30, took a shower, threw on some shorts, and was ready to roll. I stretched, walked outside, realized I had to pee (stalling), went back out, came back in to get some water (more stalling), and finally hit the road, much to my chagrin.

I decided to make a loop around the neighborhood. It makes a little circle about the size of a high school track. There is one section on an incline and I knew this was where my ass would get kicked. I walked the first entire lap around the loop and then decided that I would run half and walk half for a few laps in order to make sure I didn't strain myself (I haven't run in a LONG time.) I made the run for the first half that included the incline. I made it two laps while running the first half and walking the last. My very last lap was pathetic. I was so winded and heaving for air that I walked the entire way, struggling against myself to make it up the incline, not to mention it was starting to get unbearably hot and muggy.

I returned home to do some ab work. I did several reps of 10 for various types of crunches and abdominal workouts. It's amazing what that little bit of work makes you feel! Total, I probably only did physical activity for about 30 minutes. It's not much, but it's a start.

I have a tennis date this evening at 6 with some friends. I enjoy it and it takes my mind off of actually "working out." I do think I have a bit of an advantage over Nick being that he's in Fargo, ND almost every day of his freakin' life. But, he initiated the challenge, so I suppose he will have to suffer the consequences.

Ultimately, I have NO idea how I plan on winning this competition when I can't last very long at any cardio activity for an extended period of time. However, I am determined to overcome this weight issue that I have been struggling with as of late. I have shed almost all of my clothes over the past year and it's starting to affect my ego a little, not to mention my health.

Wish me luck!

San Francisco

2009-06-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

I recently visited San Francisco with Nick, and after uploading several of our photos to facebook today, I came across a most amazing picture...

Letting go

2009-06-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

I am always a very emotional person. I often take things way too seriously and I wear my heart on my sleeve. It is like a curse. The smallest confrontation will drive me to tears in a second. I think too much about things. Why? The only reason I can find is that I am a woman. Aren't all of us women the same? Or atleast I'd just like to tell myself that because it certainly makes me feel much better.

Anyway, I am trying not to take things so personally all the time. Most often it happens in my relationships with men, but I don't want to keep things inside me like a champagne bottle ready to pop. I NEED to share my thoughts, my complaints, my "side" or else I will continue to be a mess. I hate that I take things to heart. I don't wish to let things fester so that I am always bitter and angry. I want to be happy and I am.

I think that I am finally learning to let go of things that don't really matter, of things said and done but that aren't meant to be hurtful. I may be able to let go, but I still need to work on letting it get me in the first place.

Two down, two to go...

2009-06-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

I posted four paintings on etsy.com on Wednesday and within 24 hours, BAM!! I sold two! I didn't make a great deal of profit on them, but just the satisfaction of selling something that I created is pretty awesome.

To a T

2007-09-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

Turned out that he wasn't in love with me like I thought. What I'm trying to say is I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible and how it can ache in places that you didn't even know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or how many gyms you join or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends.

You still go to bed every night going over every detail, wondering what you did wrong or how you could've misunderstood, and how in the hell in that brief moment you could think that you were that happy, and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

And after ALL that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again and little pieces of your soul will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff will eventually begin to fade.

First two weeks under my belt...

2007-09-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to report that my frist two weeks at school have gone off without a hitch....so far. Minus a few tests here and there to see what can be gotten away with ; ) HeHe

I've made first phone calls home to all my parents this past week and sadly, almost half of them were expecting me to say something negative about their children. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that we, as teachers, sometimes don't make enough effort to find the goodness in all of our students and report it to their parents on a regular basis.

You would not believe how happy some of these parents were to hear that their children had a great first two weeks of school. Some of them were utterly shocked at the reports I was giving and you can't even begin to fathom what it meant to them.

Can you imagine what kinds of children these parents obviously think they have because all they ever hear is "Well, Johnny isn't smart enough, and Susie isn't good enough, Joe doesn't follow directions and Natalie is in trouble again."

Addtionally, I learned that several of my students are actually enjoying their learning experience thus far. THAT fills me with the most happiness! I was so scared that I would somehow let them down or not be the teacher that they need. I'm not saying that I am, but that statement is definitely an encouragement and it inspires me to want to be the best that I can be for them each and every day!

I pray that I will always have this passion for teaching that my students can see and hopefully become inspired by.

I am finding so much joy in what I am doing for the first time in my life and seeing my students' faces each day just reminds me why I wake up every morning excited to move forward. I couldn't have chosen a better way to spend my working career.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you all this piece of my new life as it has been an amazing experience so far =)

God Bless you all!

A little too late

2007-08-06T13:51:00.000-07:00

It's a little too late for your apologies;
The damage to my heart has been done.
I still can't make sense of the reasons you gave,
they all just seemed a lie.
Was is too much to ask to put up a fight;
Or was it just easier to give up?
Well, It's too late now;
It's all just said and done.

On love lost

2007-08-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling poetic this week...

Only You

I move on,
Not replacing heartache with heartache,
But replacing heartache with the only thing that satisfies.
My broken and shattered soul cried out;
Cried out for the insatiable.
All those years and I never knew;
I never realized.
Only You can fill the ache within.

Haunting

Each time I hear your name,
My heart sinks a little.
I see pictures and fight back tears.
I am reminded of you when I see your favorite things.
Sometimes, I want to curse you, but instead I wish you well.
I hear one of your “–ism’s” and the knot rises again.
I find myself using your choice phrases despite my newfound dislike for them.
And more than anything, I miss your sense of humor; your ability to make me smile.
When I sleep, you are still there; haunting me like a ghost.
And then when I wake I am scared that I will never find another that will light my soul as you have.